What Women Won’t Tell You…but You Need to Know.

[A guest post from Gary Hill of Passion Fine Jewelry.]

I have been in the jewelry business for the last 18 years and I have to admit, I never really got it until the other day.
A couple in their 70’s-80’s who mentioned this year would be their 56th wedding anniversary came in for a repair.  They sat right next to each other on a couch built for 5…inseparable…cute…and still every bit the couple they “became” decades ago.

They were seated in front of the larger Hearts On Fire engagement rings which caused her to scoot to the edge of her seat to take them all in.  After I finished explaining what her repair would entail she asked without looking up, “Do men still come in and pick out the ring by themselves or do the women come in with them?”

We looked at each other not having thought much about it and agreed that about 70% of engagement customers come in together.  In our estimation about 20%  of guys come in by themselves, which leaves 10% to solo women.

“Ahh, that’s sad,” she said as she stretched out her left hand and rested it on her knee…looking at her wedding ring.   I’ve seen women of all ages do this a million times.  They gaze at their ring…turn it this way and that…to make the diamonds sparkle and give life to their ring.

She had a generic department store ring typical of the 30’s and 40’s.  A single band with a single small diamond; unremarkable except for a leaf on either side of the diamond.  A brassy-like patina gave evidence to the fact that her ring almost never left her finger.

I watched her intense interest locked onto this ring and was trying to figure out what about this simple ring deserved this much admiration?  What was she seeing that I wasn’t?

And then I saw it.  She was running a mental slide show of her life with him as she absently gazed at her ring.  She hit rewind to a time when her husband couldn’t afford to buy her this ring…but did it anyway.  She saw him standing on her front porch…nervously asking her to marry him…as she shouted, “YES! YES!” before he could finish his question.    Though I sat there mostly stunned at what I was seeing I was sure I was seeing it, not just imagining.  It was real, right there, in front of my eyes.

At this point I was overcome with emotions and literally had to fight back the tears that started to well up.  (Yes…it happens.  Geez I sometimes get a little teary at old “Leave It to Beaver” episodes or a sappy commercial.)

I took a quick mental break as her slide show kept playing.  Their wedding…first house…their first child and the others that followed…happiness…sadness…all of it with him…the man that was sitting too close by some definitions.  (Clearly not hers.)  Remember the gate keeper in the Wizard of Oz and how he was crying a waterfall of tears as Dorothy and her crew realized they couldn’t get into the Emerald City?  I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself so I turned my attention to her husband.
He sat looking forward with a smug sort of smile that said, “I know, I’ve seen it many times before and all you can do is just sit back and enjoy it.”  I needed to get my composure back so I excused myself as I wiped away a few tears.  And that’s when I “got it.”  After all these years in the business I fully understand why engagement/wedding rings mean so much to women.  They are not just a symbol of the guys love; they are a symbol for all that a loving life has to offer and a promise to provide that.

Still in a bit of a shock at what I had just witnessed, perhaps one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, albeit, really weird,  I managed to snap myself out of it long enough to take a breath.

Whether I was viewing her memories or the diamond had magically stored them and was reflecting back those memories, I saw those moments of her past with my own eyes.  They were as real as they were happening right there; so real to her that I could even see them.  And that little ring, that cost him maybe $100 dollars considering the quality and the era it was purchased; that little ring in her eyes… was priceless!  It was and is the symbol for all the love and all the good in her life and no amount of money could buy it from her today.  And this has been going on for at least 56 years.  Even from a guy’s point of view this has got to be the best investment her husband could ever have made.

You can learn all about the 4c’s and you can shop all over to save a few bucks.  You can even get real clever negotiating a “deal” but nothing is more important than knowing what this ring will mean to her not just when you present it but all throughout her life, again and again, compounding with each new experience.  Her knowing that you struggled to get her the perfect ring and the idea that you picked it out for her all by yourself, will pay you dividends for years to come.

As guys we just don’t think that much about it.  Thinking she probably feels the same way, even when she says it’s no big deal, could very well be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.

Seeing how much that little ring was worth to this lady gave me a new mission; to “help a brother out” and let guys know what this ring really means and not let you miss an opportunity to score points for the rest of your life.

Trust me on this one, having been married for over 38 years; we are guys, we are going to do one or more bonehead things and we will need these bonus points.

Don’t get too tied up with the 4c’s and the perfect size and color, etc…etc.

Do work your butt off to make your gift the first of many memorable moments of your lives.  Make it mean something.

Find a jeweler you feel good about, one you feel you can trust.  If you get that “warm and fuzzy” feeling from who you meet with you will probably be right and they will help you make this moment special.

Should you pick out her ring without her?  You make the call, but do the work to make it special.