These are a few things I know from growing up in the diamond business and spending time “behind the counter.”  If you take what I say on faith then this post will be extremely helpful.  If not…don’t worry…we’ll expand on these in future posts.

FOR NOW…

Point 1: Most men I talk to still think that a high clarity grade means a “better” diamond.  It doesn’t.

Point 2: Color grades are not absolute.  It’s best to think of them as ranges within the called grade.  In other words…one “G” color grade diamond can be more colorless than another “G” color grade.  (Assuming all other variables are identical.)

Point 3: Cut is king.  All things being equal…the more precise the cut…the prettier and more sparkly the diamond.

Point 4: There are soft diamond certifications all over the place which means some grading houses are extremely liberal when it comes to calling the grade.  One certs “G” is another certs “J.”  Sorry boys…it still boils down to good old fashioned leg work when it comes to deciding which diamond is THE one.  Trust your eyes.  (Hot button issue, this one.)

Point 5: A larger carat weight does not always translate into a bigger looking diamond.  See If Diamonds Were Female Fighters to see why.

If you’ve been on the hunt for a while some of these will make a whole lot of sense to you.  If not use these 5 pointers as a start for your research.

Be willing to accept that you can’t know everything about diamonds and where their value comes from…then find yourself some Hired Guns and take it from there.

Above all…don’t forget why you’re doing this in the first place.  You’re in love…and committed…and you’re in the market for the perfect symbol of those sentiments.  That’s what diamonds are all about.  That’s how we feel anyway…

What made this guy stand out was the fact that he was holding a picture of his GIRL FRIEND.  (No…she wasn’t naked.)

He had all the other product stuff in tow:  the kind of ring styles she liked…a bit of info on the 4 C’s…a budget…your standard “I’m going to look for an engagement ring,” arsenal.  That’s how we approach things as guys, isn’t it?  We start thinking of the “who” (our love)…then stampede to the “what” (the ring) and end up getting lost there.  This guy had a reminder of  his “who” in his back pocket and everything was easier because of it.

Why would a picture make it easier?

First off, when my sales associate saw the picture of his girlfriend she melted and couldn’t have wanted to help him more.  This young man did something instrumental in getting the kind of help we all crave:  he made it personal.  The entire process was personalized for him, his intended, AND the sales associate because he had that picture.  Seriously, how cool is that?

Tip: Bring along a picture of the person you are buying the ring for. It will remind you why you’re doing it…and will help keep you and the sales person from getting too wrapped in the nuts and bolts of the purchase.

I’m not suggesting a picture will take the place of product knowledge, but it will definitely add a romantic element to something that can quickly turn into a monotonous endeavor.  I think you need to consider the nuts and bolts of the physical ring but temper it with a romantic backdrop to make the “right” engagement ring choice.  A simple picture can help you do that.

Buying an engagement ring is easy, and getting easier by the minute thanks to thoughtful guys like this one.  If you’ve stumbled on a simple way to make things easier on you at the diamond counter please share them with us.  When it comes to buying the right stuff we need all the help we can get.

[As posted on Where To Get Engaged.  A very cool site for anyone and everyone in the market for an engagement ring.]

Stop buying diamonds based on  carat weight alone.  I know…you take all the 4 C’s into account when you are making your decision but all too often the process starts and ends with the size of the diamond.  But here’s the rub:  when you talk about the size of the diamond more than likely you are referring to it’s weight…not how big it is.

We all tend to equate a 1 carat diamond with “big” so I’ll be using that as a way to illustrate what I’m talking about. I did a quick online search of 1 carat diamonds, ignoring things like color and clarity and of course the price because I’m only talking about the weight/size thing here.

I picked 5 out of the hundreds of 1 carat diamonds that popped up to show you how dramatic the size ranges can be.  Bear in mind…every one of these diamonds weighs 1 carat but they are visually different in terms of their bigness.  Check it out:

• Diamond 1: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.17 mm across the top
• Diamond 2: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.21 mm across the top
• Diamond 3: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.32 mm across the top
• Diamond 4: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.43 mm across the top
• Diamond 5: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.52 mm across the top

Visually it looks something like this:

All 1 carat diamonds are not the same size

(Definitely NOT actual size)

IF DIAMONDS WERE FEMALE FIGHTERS…

If diamonds were female fighters and I was a betting man I would surely want to know more than the athletes weight when it comes time to put money on the big fight.

(Same weight…different sizes)

I’m not into women’s professional fighting (I think it’s called Mixed Martial Arts) but it’s a good way to illustrate my point.  Both of the women in the picture above weigh 145 pounds but they are clearly not the same size.  (I could have used male fighters but this is a column for guys so let’s stay real.)

“Big” is a relative term anyway you look at it.  It’s a safe bet that all the women in the 145 pound weight class are not all the same height, muscle density, quickness, etc.  And what about the little spitfires that have a big presence in the ring?  They can kick a “bigger” opponents butt all day long even though the tale of the tape says they are smaller.

The bottom line is that when you are on the diamond hunt and you ask about a 1 carat diamond (or a 1/2, or 3/4, etc.) you are referring to a weight…not a size.  There will be size variations within these weight categories and it is completely a function of how well the diamond is cut.  (More on that in future posts.  It’s a “big” subject.)

SO WHAT?

So stop shopping for diamonds with the idea that a heavier diamond is a bigger diamond.  It weighs more…and that’s it.  That weight may or may not enhance the notability of the diamond.  i.e. How many people stop her and say, “OMG let me see your ring!”

Any way you slice it most women like it when their engagement ring is noticed and I’m here to tell you that bigger isn’t always better.

~Andy Koehn

Gee…that’s original.

I guess that’s not the most original piece of advice you’ll ever get…but we hear from far too many women that the actual moment of truth…the proposal…was…well…lame.

It’s kind of a shame too because we know how much thought and anxiety goes into getting the “right” ring.  (Hopefully we relieve some of the anxiety though.)  The ring is absolutely an important part of the engagement ritual…but just like any life altering event presentation is key.  In short…you have one shot here…don’t blow it.

Here’s some good old-fashioned free advice from yours truly.  I’ve seen what not to do…and what works…and I’m passing some of it to you here.

Timing is Everything.

Make sure she is able to completely focus on what you’re doing and saying and that your timing lends itself to the gravity of the situation.  In other words, don’t pop the question when she’s stepping out of the shower or doing the laundry.

Say What You Mean to Say.

Don’t wing your proposal.  Set aside a little time to figure out in detail what you want to say.  Contrary to popular man-code there is nothing fruity about actually speaking the things that are in your heart…especially when you’re down on one knee.  Don’t over do it though.  Be yourself and remember…less is more.  (Translation: don’t ramble.  Say what you mean to say and be done.)

Don’t Be Stupid.

We have heard some doozies when it comes to proposals and many of them fall under the “what were you thinking?” category.  (Like the guy who tied a ring onto a rock and threw it through a window.)

Find a trusted friend and bounce your ideas off him or her.  Real friends don’t sugar coat their opinions and for something as important as this honest remarks are exactly what you need.

If you don’t feel comfortable asking a friend, PLEASE ask us.  We’ll give you our honest opinion too.  We want you to look good.

That’s It?

Yep…that’s it.  Three small bits of advice that will make a big difference when it comes time to propose.

You’ll notice I didn’t talk about renting out a stadium…or a line of billboards…or a skywriter…none of that.  Those things can be cool…but if you’re presentation stinks then it doesn’t matter what lengths you’ve gone to…it will be an awkward memory for both of you.  Like I said…you have one shot here…don’t blow it.  (No pressure there!)

I got a call the other day from a guy in Florida who was looking for a diamond and wanted to know if I could help him.  These kinds of calls fall into one of two(2) categories:

1. I am sincerely looking for your help because I feel you know things I don’t and I want to get the “right” diamond for me.  Help me with that…will you?
2. I’ve studied diamonds online…visited with several jewelers…and there isn’t anything you know that I don’t so let me tell you what I want and then give me your price.

I don’t talk very long with guy #2 because he’s too cool for words and he will never understand that professional jewelers can and want to be his Hired Guns.  Unless you’re in the business of buying and selling diamonds all day…every day…you’ll never know what we know.  They aren’t secrets as much as they are lessons learned…diamond wisdom you could call it.  Same thing with accountants, doctors and even (gulp) lawyers.

Turns out this man physically looked at over 100 diamonds the day before.  Not online…but actually looked at them with his own eyes.  That my friends is what we in the trade call a sh*tload of diamonds!

I irritated him almost instantly because when he told me that I said, “You looked at more than 100 diamonds and you didn’t buy one?  Why not?”

I honestly don’t remember what he said because it was a confusing non-answer about “being sure,” and “I want to know what the best deal is,” and “I KNOW diamonds,” and blah, blah, blah.  As soon as someone tells me they “know diamonds” I can be sure that they don’t.

I don’t mind giving advice when I’m talking to guy #1 above…I do it all day long.  However, I’m a bit more blunt with the second guy because if it’s true that he “knows diamonds” then we should be able to talk turkey.

The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me: “Why are you calling me?  Do you want me to get you a diamond?”

Guy: ”I want a 1 1/4-1 1/2 round brilliant, nice cut, F-G color and somewhere in the VS/SI range.”

Me: ”Did you see any of these in your 100?”

Guy: ”Well, yeah.  And they were all really well priced.  I just want to see if you can do any better.”

Me: ”Yeah…no.  Adding another 1 or 2 or 100 diamonds into the mix isn’t going to do either of us any good.  Just buy one of those diamonds.  I’m sure you’ll be happy in the end.”

Silence.  A little more silence.

Me: ”Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Guy: “So…am I better off with a GIA certificate or an EGL?”

The Heart of the Matter:

And there you have it.  This guy couldn’t pull the trigger because he didn’t know which diamond was “better” based on what a certificate said.  I can’t say why he didn’t get a satisfactory answer from his diamond source…but that’s why he was calling me…and honestly it was nice to hear a little bit of guy #1 in his voice.

So I gave him this bit of advice that helped him feel a little better and I’d like to pass on to you here:

LOOK at the diamonds with your own eyes and forget what the certificate says.  A certificate can validate the asking price for a diamond but it shouldn’t take the place of your own senses.

Somehow we’ve gone too far in terms of what a bunch of written information can give us.  There is nothing more important when making a buying decision in the diamond world than the way a diamond LOOKS.  Trust your eyes, fella’s.  If you need or want more information talk to your jeweler but try desperately not to get caught up in the cert hunt.

The diamond…not the cert…is the symbol of your everlasting commitment to the woman of your dreams.

You will rarely if ever look at that certificate again…but the diamond?  You’ll see that for the rest of your life.  (And she certainly isn’t going to be wearing a certificate!)

As far as I know this guy was not in the jewelry business.  I’m not related to him…never met him…don’t owe him any money and he has no compromising pictures of me from Vegas.  I mention this only because what I am about to post is the philosophy that underlies our pricing approach…even though I couldn’t say it near as well:

Prices

It is unwise to pay too much.  But it is worse to pay too little.

When you pay too much, you lose a little money; that is all.  When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the product you bought is incapable of doing what it was bought to do.

The common law of business prohibits paying a little and getting a lot.  It can’t be done.

If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run.  And if you do that, you would have enough to pay for something better.

There is hardly anything in this world that someone can’t make a little worse and sell a little cheaper~and people who consider price alone are this man’s lawful prey.

~John Ruskin 1819-1900

Consider price in your buying decision?  Of course.  Think you ever get “more for less”?  Not on your life.

That’s really cool because the people behind the counter(the good ones) can and do help give you something that you can’t buy online in most cases: peace of mind.  They are your Hired Guns and when a true professional is there to help it speeds up the process and takes some of the pressure off.  So…kudos to the guys in the vid and thanks again!

Under Pressure…Not!

Which brings me to the topic at hand: A lot of men feel pressure when it comes to buying the “right” ring and really not as bad as all that.  I know how it goes…I’ve seen it a million times and it goes something like this:

• You are in love and spent some time talking to her and looking at ring styles she says she likes.
• You’ve found a beautiful ring that fits her style and the price is something you can live with.
• You’re standing in a store that speaks your language and you like the salesperson.
• All you need to do now is pull the trigger and buy the ring.  Instead you say something like:”I think I’m going to bring her in to make sure she likes it.”

No…no…no…no and NO.  You can and should buy the ring because bringing her in to look at yet another ring is unromantic, unmanly and completely unnecessary.  How do I know?  I asked women who are/were in the market for an engagement ring and asked them.

The Survey…

I wrote a very casual survey and submitted it to women with the help of several jewelry store buddies and Facebook fans.  This is the question I asked:

How would you like the ring purchase to go down?

• I want to pick out the ring and that’s the ring I expect to see when I open the box. (10.1%)
• I want to show him the general style I like and as long as it’s in the ballpark I’m good. (61.6%)
• I’ll provide a laundry list and expect him to fill it. (Not in a mean way.  I have to wear this ring the rest of my life!)(6.9%)
• I want it to be a complete surprise.  I’ll take anything.(21.4%)

Nearly 62% of respondents said as long as you buy a ring that is similar to the style she picked out, you’re good.  If you add the other 21.4% who want the ring to be a complete surprise then you have an 8 in 10 shot at being the man she expects you to be.  Seriously…you know if she’s one of the other 17% so act accordingly.

But still…what if I pick the wrong ring?

There you go again…making it harder than it needs to be.  That’s OK because I have this to share with you as well.  The follow up question to the above was:

If he came home with something different than what I told him to get or hinted at I would:

• Be disappointed but OK. (54%)
• Be disappointed and mad. (4%)
• Love it just the same. (42%)

Only 4% of women will be “mad” if you propose with something she’s not expecting so the risk factor is extremely low.  See?  This is easy.

Go for it!

I grant you this is not the most sophisticated survey on the planet but it is telling.  Feel free to take your own casual surveys as you’re out and about.  Ask women what they think, combine those answers with my results and come to your own conclusion.  Something tells me you won’t feel the need to “bring her in” anymore.

Personally I’d take this info and run with it.  There are so many more important things to do than push off buying a ring with manufactured excuses.  (For example…you can start planning your proposal.)

Let me know how it goes!

Manly men make decisions.  A real man seeks out the people and resources who can give him the information he needs to make an informed decision…and then he pulls the trigger.

He also takes full responsibility for his decisions…and either basks in the glory of a victory or learns from his mistakes.  Either way…he’s not afraid to make a move…because life’s to short to spend it regretting outcomes that might not happen.

What does this have to do with buying diamonds?

This has everything to do with buying diamonds.  You’ll hear me say it time and time again: “It’s not that hard.”  The diamond is not a BIG decision…it’s part of a bigger decision which is whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with the person who holds your heart.  The diamond is an outward expression to the world…that YES…you are a one woman man…and you like it that way.

The decision on what to buy is ultimately yours.  The friends and family you bring along on your diamond buying tours can (and do…they definitely do) give you their input…but don’t for a minute think that their opinion as to what is “good” or what is “bad” is gospel.

The same goes for the sales people you deal with.  Unlike your personal posse’ (your friends and family)…professional sales people definitely know more than you do about diamonds and the wonderful world of engagement rings and proposals.  But our role is limited…because the best we can do is assess your situation as we talk with you…and then make recommendations…some more urgent than others.  We really can’t make you do anything…because it comes down to your willingness to exchange your hard-earned money for the diamonds we sell.

You’re in Charge, Dude.

The best advice I can give you is to find a place that speaks your language…and then plot with the salespeople to get a ring that says what’s in your heart but has trouble making it to your mouth.  (See my post titled Guns for Hire for more on this. The “ease factor” is directly related to your professional posse.  Find THEM…and let them stress over the small stuff.  It’s their job.)

I thought I’d share a little bit from a Q&A email I took part in the other day.  This is THE biggest question guys have when it comes to buying a diamond for an engagement ring.  We were talking about a Hearts On Fire Diamond specifically…but it could apply to most premium cuts.  (Though I’m a dyed-in-the-wool HOF fanatic.)

Statement from my client: (At this point he was wondering if he was over thinking…)

The only thing tormenting me is HOF diamond vs. regular one of slightly bigger size, and better clarity & color.

My Answer:

Don’t worry about over thinking…but also keep your mind and heart on why you’re doing this.  It’s to give her something beautiful and special to show her and the rest of us that you love her and want to move forward in life as her husband.

With that in mind, let me address your concerns.

“A regular diamond of a slightly bigger size…”  Allow me to translate what you just said there (which is common…even among jewelry salespeople).

Regular=Less brilliant and pretty.  That’s just the way it is.

Bigger Size=heavier.  Not bigger to the eye…but as it weighs out on a scale.  You can’t even see the part that is making it heavier because it’s on the bottom half of the diamond.  That doesn’t make any sense to me.

So…let’s say we get a regular diamond that actually looks bigger.  You will gain a fraction of a millimeter around the outside of the stone…but for that you will lose brightness and brilliance and energy.  In essence…you will trade sparkle for an inconsequential amount of visual size.

I can get either. It’s not a problem.  But, knowing what I know and all that I’ve seen through the years…I always come to the same conclusion…and it’s one shared by the majority of our customers: sparkle…quality…and the story behind the diamond are what endure.  (It doesn’t matter how big a diamond someone gets…they will always see a bigger one.  But…the beauty of a HOF always, always…stands out.  That’s why I’m so high on them…)

Color and clarity…same thing.  A regular diamond that is tops on the color and clarity scales will NOT look brighter than a HOF that grades lower.  (And don’t even get me started on the types of certifications that is out there.  HOF only used the American Gem Society.)

There was more but it’s irrelevant to the point I’m trying to make which is:

CUT is EVERYTHING.  Don’t mess around with color and clarity until you have the cut thing nailed.

I will end there for now.  Look for more on this discussion in future posts.  (And by all means…email me your questions.  I’m more than happy to help.)

Click here to see an alternative pic that illustrates my point.  May not be suitable for everyone so it’s password protected.  The password is BLAG30.