I got a call the other day from a guy in Florida who was looking for a diamond and wanted to know if I could help him.  These kinds of calls fall into one of two(2) categories:

1. I am sincerely looking for your help because I feel you know things I don’t and I want to get the “right” diamond for me.  Help me with that…will you?
2. I’ve studied diamonds online…visited with several jewelers…and there isn’t anything you know that I don’t so let me tell you what I want and then give me your price.

I don’t talk very long with guy #2 because he’s too cool for words and he will never understand that professional jewelers can and want to be his Hired Guns.  Unless you’re in the business of buying and selling diamonds all day…every day…you’ll never know what we know.  They aren’t secrets as much as they are lessons learned…diamond wisdom you could call it.  Same thing with accountants, doctors and even (gulp) lawyers.

Turns out this man physically looked at over 100 diamonds the day before.  Not online…but actually looked at them with his own eyes.  That my friends is what we in the trade call a sh*tload of diamonds!

I irritated him almost instantly because when he told me that I said, “You looked at more than 100 diamonds and you didn’t buy one?  Why not?”

I honestly don’t remember what he said because it was a confusing non-answer about “being sure,” and “I want to know what the best deal is,” and “I KNOW diamonds,” and blah, blah, blah.  As soon as someone tells me they “know diamonds” I can be sure that they don’t.

I don’t mind giving advice when I’m talking to guy #1 above…I do it all day long.  However, I’m a bit more blunt with the second guy because if it’s true that he “knows diamonds” then we should be able to talk turkey.

The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me: “Why are you calling me?  Do you want me to get you a diamond?”

Guy: ”I want a 1 1/4-1 1/2 round brilliant, nice cut, F-G color and somewhere in the VS/SI range.”

Me: ”Did you see any of these in your 100?”

Guy: ”Well, yeah.  And they were all really well priced.  I just want to see if you can do any better.”

Me: ”Yeah…no.  Adding another 1 or 2 or 100 diamonds into the mix isn’t going to do either of us any good.  Just buy one of those diamonds.  I’m sure you’ll be happy in the end.”

Silence.  A little more silence.

Me: ”Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Guy: “So…am I better off with a GIA certificate or an EGL?”

The Heart of the Matter:

And there you have it.  This guy couldn’t pull the trigger because he didn’t know which diamond was “better” based on what a certificate said.  I can’t say why he didn’t get a satisfactory answer from his diamond source…but that’s why he was calling me…and honestly it was nice to hear a little bit of guy #1 in his voice.

So I gave him this bit of advice that helped him feel a little better and I’d like to pass on to you here:

LOOK at the diamonds with your own eyes and forget what the certificate says.  A certificate can validate the asking price for a diamond but it shouldn’t take the place of your own senses.

Somehow we’ve gone too far in terms of what a bunch of written information can give us.  There is nothing more important when making a buying decision in the diamond world than the way a diamond LOOKS.  Trust your eyes, fella’s.  If you need or want more information talk to your jeweler but try desperately not to get caught up in the cert hunt.

The diamond…not the cert…is the symbol of your everlasting commitment to the woman of your dreams.

You will rarely if ever look at that certificate again…but the diamond?  You’ll see that for the rest of your life.  (And she certainly isn’t going to be wearing a certificate!)

As far as I know this guy was not in the jewelry business.  I’m not related to him…never met him…don’t owe him any money and he has no compromising pictures of me from Vegas.  I mention this only because what I am about to post is the philosophy that underlies our pricing approach…even though I couldn’t say it near as well:

Prices

It is unwise to pay too much.  But it is worse to pay too little.

When you pay too much, you lose a little money; that is all.  When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the product you bought is incapable of doing what it was bought to do.

The common law of business prohibits paying a little and getting a lot.  It can’t be done.

If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run.  And if you do that, you would have enough to pay for something better.

There is hardly anything in this world that someone can’t make a little worse and sell a little cheaper~and people who consider price alone are this man’s lawful prey.

~John Ruskin 1819-1900

Consider price in your buying decision?  Of course.  Think you ever get “more for less”?  Not on your life.

That’s really cool because the people behind the counter(the good ones) can and do help give you something that you can’t buy online in most cases: peace of mind.  They are your Hired Guns and when a true professional is there to help it speeds up the process and takes some of the pressure off.  So…kudos to the guys in the vid and thanks again!

Under Pressure…Not!

Which brings me to the topic at hand: A lot of men feel pressure when it comes to buying the “right” ring and really not as bad as all that.  I know how it goes…I’ve seen it a million times and it goes something like this:

• You are in love and spent some time talking to her and looking at ring styles she says she likes.
• You’ve found a beautiful ring that fits her style and the price is something you can live with.
• You’re standing in a store that speaks your language and you like the salesperson.
• All you need to do now is pull the trigger and buy the ring.  Instead you say something like:”I think I’m going to bring her in to make sure she likes it.”

No…no…no…no and NO.  You can and should buy the ring because bringing her in to look at yet another ring is unromantic, unmanly and completely unnecessary.  How do I know?  I asked women who are/were in the market for an engagement ring and asked them.

The Survey…

I wrote a very casual survey and submitted it to women with the help of several jewelry store buddies and Facebook fans.  This is the question I asked:

How would you like the ring purchase to go down?

• I want to pick out the ring and that’s the ring I expect to see when I open the box. (10.1%)
• I want to show him the general style I like and as long as it’s in the ballpark I’m good. (61.6%)
• I’ll provide a laundry list and expect him to fill it. (Not in a mean way.  I have to wear this ring the rest of my life!)(6.9%)
• I want it to be a complete surprise.  I’ll take anything.(21.4%)

Nearly 62% of respondents said as long as you buy a ring that is similar to the style she picked out, you’re good.  If you add the other 21.4% who want the ring to be a complete surprise then you have an 8 in 10 shot at being the man she expects you to be.  Seriously…you know if she’s one of the other 17% so act accordingly.

But still…what if I pick the wrong ring?

There you go again…making it harder than it needs to be.  That’s OK because I have this to share with you as well.  The follow up question to the above was:

If he came home with something different than what I told him to get or hinted at I would:

• Be disappointed but OK. (54%)
• Be disappointed and mad. (4%)
• Love it just the same. (42%)

Only 4% of women will be “mad” if you propose with something she’s not expecting so the risk factor is extremely low.  See?  This is easy.

Go for it!

I grant you this is not the most sophisticated survey on the planet but it is telling.  Feel free to take your own casual surveys as you’re out and about.  Ask women what they think, combine those answers with my results and come to your own conclusion.  Something tells me you won’t feel the need to “bring her in” anymore.

Personally I’d take this info and run with it.  There are so many more important things to do than push off buying a ring with manufactured excuses.  (For example…you can start planning your proposal.)

Let me know how it goes!

Manly men make decisions.  A real man seeks out the people and resources who can give him the information he needs to make an informed decision…and then he pulls the trigger.

He also takes full responsibility for his decisions…and either basks in the glory of a victory or learns from his mistakes.  Either way…he’s not afraid to make a move…because life’s to short to spend it regretting outcomes that might not happen.

What does this have to do with buying diamonds?

This has everything to do with buying diamonds.  You’ll hear me say it time and time again: “It’s not that hard.”  The diamond is not a BIG decision…it’s part of a bigger decision which is whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with the person who holds your heart.  The diamond is an outward expression to the world…that YES…you are a one woman man…and you like it that way.

The decision on what to buy is ultimately yours.  The friends and family you bring along on your diamond buying tours can (and do…they definitely do) give you their input…but don’t for a minute think that their opinion as to what is “good” or what is “bad” is gospel.

The same goes for the sales people you deal with.  Unlike your personal posse’ (your friends and family)…professional sales people definitely know more than you do about diamonds and the wonderful world of engagement rings and proposals.  But our role is limited…because the best we can do is assess your situation as we talk with you…and then make recommendations…some more urgent than others.  We really can’t make you do anything…because it comes down to your willingness to exchange your hard-earned money for the diamonds we sell.

You’re in Charge, Dude.

The best advice I can give you is to find a place that speaks your language…and then plot with the salespeople to get a ring that says what’s in your heart but has trouble making it to your mouth.  (See my post titled Guns for Hire for more on this. The “ease factor” is directly related to your professional posse.  Find THEM…and let them stress over the small stuff.  It’s their job.)

I thought I’d share a little bit from a Q&A email I took part in the other day.  This is THE biggest question guys have when it comes to buying a diamond for an engagement ring.  We were talking about a Hearts On Fire Diamond specifically…but it could apply to most premium cuts.  (Though I’m a dyed-in-the-wool HOF fanatic.)

Statement from my client: (At this point he was wondering if he was over thinking…)

The only thing tormenting me is HOF diamond vs. regular one of slightly bigger size, and better clarity & color.

My Answer:

Don’t worry about over thinking…but also keep your mind and heart on why you’re doing this.  It’s to give her something beautiful and special to show her and the rest of us that you love her and want to move forward in life as her husband.

With that in mind, let me address your concerns.

“A regular diamond of a slightly bigger size…”  Allow me to translate what you just said there (which is common…even among jewelry salespeople).

Regular=Less brilliant and pretty.  That’s just the way it is.

Bigger Size=heavier.  Not bigger to the eye…but as it weighs out on a scale.  You can’t even see the part that is making it heavier because it’s on the bottom half of the diamond.  That doesn’t make any sense to me.

So…let’s say we get a regular diamond that actually looks bigger.  You will gain a fraction of a millimeter around the outside of the stone…but for that you will lose brightness and brilliance and energy.  In essence…you will trade sparkle for an inconsequential amount of visual size.

I can get either. It’s not a problem.  But, knowing what I know and all that I’ve seen through the years…I always come to the same conclusion…and it’s one shared by the majority of our customers: sparkle…quality…and the story behind the diamond are what endure.  (It doesn’t matter how big a diamond someone gets…they will always see a bigger one.  But…the beauty of a HOF always, always…stands out.  That’s why I’m so high on them…)

Color and clarity…same thing.  A regular diamond that is tops on the color and clarity scales will NOT look brighter than a HOF that grades lower.  (And don’t even get me started on the types of certifications that is out there.  HOF only used the American Gem Society.)

There was more but it’s irrelevant to the point I’m trying to make which is:

CUT is EVERYTHING.  Don’t mess around with color and clarity until you have the cut thing nailed.

I will end there for now.  Look for more on this discussion in future posts.  (And by all means…email me your questions.  I’m more than happy to help.)

Click here to see an alternative pic that illustrates my point.  May not be suitable for everyone so it’s password protected.  The password is BLAG30.

The good news is that I have been watching the “new” marketplace and much of what I’m seeing only supports my initial views.  Namely…that it’s a jungle out there…but it’s still not that hard to do the right thing when it comes time to buy an engagement ring.

I also had the pleasure of shooting the breeze with 4 regular guys who where open enough to tell me what it’s like to be on the other side of the counter.  We’re editing it now and we’ll have a series of BLAG-Casts posted here very soon.

Thanks for reading!  I’ll see you soon…

Buyers beware!

That notion is far too simplistic. I find that “light return” percentages are rather meaningless for many reasons. A mirror returns 100% of the light shined on it. Is it as beautiful as a diamond? Nope!

There are various methods used to measure so-called light return. Mostly it is done by “virtual modeling” of the diamond. These models are defined by exterior measurements of a stone which are then used to create a computer model, which in turn is subjected to lig ht ray-tracing analysis (AGS and GIA and DiamCalc).

Others simply use only “face-up” lighting, pixel-counting methods and/or undefined numeric scales (Brilliant Scope and Isee2). But we already know that “100% light return” is definitely not the Holy Grail of diamond beauty – even if it were possible to achieve.

Ironically, the pictures that are offered as “proof” of 100% light return are a case in point. You should ask yourself why there are various shades of red/pink and black/grey and even white in these types of photos (Fire Scope and Ideal Scope).

Don’t they actually highlight different and/or varying degrees of “light intensity”? How drastically will they change when the diamond is tilted to one side or the other – as is the reality in everyday usage?

The look of a diamond changes dramatically whenever the position of the diamond, the light and/or the observer is changed. It should be easy to understand that viewing a diamond exactly perpendicular to its table is only a rarefied or “special” case. What do you suppose happens to the picture whenever you view a diamond from any other angle?

One thing everyone knows for sure, every gem diamond is a 3-Dimensional and dynamic work of art. No one can capture diamond beauty in a single photo. Any photo is a mere snapshot20of the full-motion picture of potential diamond beauty.

Perfection has always been a moving target. To be sure, lots of research has been done during the 300+ year development of the modern round brilliant. Cutters have always striven to do their best. Gemologists and other scientists have resolved to understand the complex math and physics.

And, of course, consumers have always voted for their preferences with their pocketbooks.

Suffice it to say there is no international standard defining appropriate light return. But yes, in a well cut diamond the majority of high intensity light that enters the diamond should return back to the viewer.

A diamond designed to return even 100% of low level light wouldn’t be very desirable.

In general, the major trade labs have recognized that “light return” is a misnomer and the use of it alone is misleading in analyzing the overall “light performance” of high quality diamonds.

It has been shown that a small amount of “leakage” is not only unavoidable: it actually creates positive contrast effects that are quite visually pleasing.

[This is a Guest Post from my buddy Maarten de Witte (The Diamond Wizard) an original member of the team that created Hearts On Fire, the World’s Most Perfectly Cut Diamond^®

Just say it…

When you go into a recommended jewelry store knowing exactly what you want…just say it already.  Too many men cloak themselves in a shroud of machismo and actually prolong the buying process.  Good business…great relationships…and authentic living are the result of effective communication. Be an effective communicator with your hired guns and they’ll treat you like the god that you are.

Footnote: Don’t be a hard-ass know-it-all when you present your case.  While you may be well-versed as a result of your Internet travels, you will never know what a diamond professional knows.  (Why would you want to exactly?  Oh that’s right…you don’t want to get “ripped off.”*)

I was a member of an industry think-tank once upon a time…and our leader…a giant in the jewelry biz said, “I make it my business to know my business.  Outside of that…I hire people to do what I am not an expert in.”  That’s not only true…it’s bad-ass.

Tip:

Find someone to be your hired gun when you’re in the diamond market.  Treat them as an employee of yours…because that’s really what they are. They work for YOU…and get paid to “do what you are not an expert in.”  (Be a good boss though. No one likes to work for a jerk.)

What if you’re not the guy I just talked about?

Maybe you’re a little less sure of yourself.  You think you know what you want…but you have some doubts and need a little more hand-holding. There is nothing wrong with that.  Actually you are in for a much smoother ride in my opinion because you don’t need to spend a lot of time defending your position.

The beauty is you have hired guns as well…and they want to make sure you walk away feeling every bit the man you know you are.  Why?  Because they want to be your go-too diamond and jewelry expert for the rest of your life.  The good ones live for it actually…it’s what they do.

Water the Horses.  Feed the Men.  Tonight we ride!

Quit looking at jewelry salespeople as your adversaries and make them part of your posse.  How will you know if they are worthy of your requirements?  I’ll spend more time on this subject in a future post…but off the top of my head I would do the following:

• Ask your buddies where they buy their jewelry.  They’ll tell you far more than any company brochure or flash intro.
• Trust your gut.  It is always your best guide.  (In life and at the diamond counter.)
• Use local Google, Yahoo, and Bing searches.  Many of them will have ratings on jewelers along with customer comments.  Click here to see what this looks like. (It’s for my store.)
• Tell your potential employees that you want to make sure they’re the right fit for you…and then ask what you want to know in a matter-of-fact way.  If they’re offended or put out by this…well…there’s your answer.

Having a hired gun in the diamond business will pay off in ways you can’t imagine.  It will save you time (which = money) and energy…and it’s pretty cool to have a diamond guy/girl in your back pocket.  That way you can focus on more important things like getting rock hard abs and training for the Backwoods Barbecue and Beer Chugoff.

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Grilling a great steak is not a slam-dunk by any means. The upfront prep work, the heat of the coals, the cut of meat, all must combine in a synergistic dance of harmony. (OK…maybe I’m giving this a little too much importance.  Then again, maybe not.)

The following guide is an analogy that should help you understand diamond’s and their related values. This is not a foreign scale unique to the diamond industry. It’s based on a currency every man understands…meat.

Print it out, and let it be your guide on your journey through the diamond world.  (If you pull this out at the jewelry counter it’ll change it will lighten the mood.  I guarantee it.  If the sales person is not amused…get the hell out of there.)

This is all very simplified but as I’ve said…buying a diamond is often times treated like it’s life or death. It’s only money, really.  You’ll make more.

If you’re like most men you’ve already been exposed to more detailed explanations of the 4C’s by the time you reach this blog.  If you would like to learn more here’s a Diamond Guide from my website.

My ultimate advice is to learn about ‘em…and then forget about ‘em.  Look at the diamonds and talk to your sales associate.  (You’ll never know as much as they do BTW.  I don’t care what Blue Nile says.)