These are a few things I know from growing up in the diamond business and spending time “behind the counter.”  If you take what I say on faith then this post will be extremely helpful.  If not…don’t worry…we’ll expand on these in future posts.

FOR NOW…

Point 1: Most men I talk to still think that a high clarity grade means a “better” diamond.  It doesn’t.

Point 2: Color grades are not absolute.  It’s best to think of them as ranges within the called grade.  In other words…one “G” color grade diamond can be more colorless than another “G” color grade.  (Assuming all other variables are identical.)

Point 3: Cut is king.  All things being equal…the more precise the cut…the prettier and more sparkly the diamond.

Point 4: There are soft diamond certifications all over the place which means some grading houses are extremely liberal when it comes to calling the grade.  One certs “G” is another certs “J.”  Sorry boys…it still boils down to good old fashioned leg work when it comes to deciding which diamond is THE one.  Trust your eyes.  (Hot button issue, this one.)

Point 5: A larger carat weight does not always translate into a bigger looking diamond.  See If Diamonds Were Female Fighters to see why.

If you’ve been on the hunt for a while some of these will make a whole lot of sense to you.  If not use these 5 pointers as a start for your research.

Be willing to accept that you can’t know everything about diamonds and where their value comes from…then find yourself some Hired Guns and take it from there.

Above all…don’t forget why you’re doing this in the first place.  You’re in love…and committed…and you’re in the market for the perfect symbol of those sentiments.  That’s what diamonds are all about.  That’s how we feel anyway…

[A guest post from Gary Hill of Passion Fine Jewelry.]

I have been in the jewelry business for the last 18 years and I have to admit, I never really got it until the other day.
A couple in their 70’s-80’s who mentioned this year would be their 56th wedding anniversary came in for a repair.  They sat right next to each other on a couch built for 5…inseparable…cute…and still every bit the couple they “became” decades ago.

They were seated in front of the larger Hearts On Fire engagement rings which caused her to scoot to the edge of her seat to take them all in.  After I finished explaining what her repair would entail she asked without looking up, “Do men still come in and pick out the ring by themselves or do the women come in with them?”

We looked at each other not having thought much about it and agreed that about 70% of engagement customers come in together.  In our estimation about 20%  of guys come in by themselves, which leaves 10% to solo women.

“Ahh, that’s sad,” she said as she stretched out her left hand and rested it on her knee…looking at her wedding ring.   I’ve seen women of all ages do this a million times.  They gaze at their ring…turn it this way and that…to make the diamonds sparkle and give life to their ring.

She had a generic department store ring typical of the 30’s and 40’s.  A single band with a single small diamond; unremarkable except for a leaf on either side of the diamond.  A brassy-like patina gave evidence to the fact that her ring almost never left her finger.

I watched her intense interest locked onto this ring and was trying to figure out what about this simple ring deserved this much admiration?  What was she seeing that I wasn’t?

And then I saw it.  She was running a mental slide show of her life with him as she absently gazed at her ring.  She hit rewind to a time when her husband couldn’t afford to buy her this ring…but did it anyway.  She saw him standing on her front porch…nervously asking her to marry him…as she shouted, “YES! YES!” before he could finish his question.    Though I sat there mostly stunned at what I was seeing I was sure I was seeing it, not just imagining.  It was real, right there, in front of my eyes.

At this point I was overcome with emotions and literally had to fight back the tears that started to well up.  (Yes…it happens.  Geez I sometimes get a little teary at old “Leave It to Beaver” episodes or a sappy commercial.)

I took a quick mental break as her slide show kept playing.  Their wedding…first house…their first child and the others that followed…happiness…sadness…all of it with him…the man that was sitting too close by some definitions.  (Clearly not hers.)  Remember the gate keeper in the Wizard of Oz and how he was crying a waterfall of tears as Dorothy and her crew realized they couldn’t get into the Emerald City?  I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself so I turned my attention to her husband.
He sat looking forward with a smug sort of smile that said, “I know, I’ve seen it many times before and all you can do is just sit back and enjoy it.”  I needed to get my composure back so I excused myself as I wiped away a few tears.  And that’s when I “got it.”  After all these years in the business I fully understand why engagement/wedding rings mean so much to women.  They are not just a symbol of the guys love; they are a symbol for all that a loving life has to offer and a promise to provide that.

Still in a bit of a shock at what I had just witnessed, perhaps one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, albeit, really weird,  I managed to snap myself out of it long enough to take a breath.

Whether I was viewing her memories or the diamond had magically stored them and was reflecting back those memories, I saw those moments of her past with my own eyes.  They were as real as they were happening right there; so real to her that I could even see them.  And that little ring, that cost him maybe $100 dollars considering the quality and the era it was purchased; that little ring in her eyes… was priceless!  It was and is the symbol for all the love and all the good in her life and no amount of money could buy it from her today.  And this has been going on for at least 56 years.  Even from a guy’s point of view this has got to be the best investment her husband could ever have made.

You can learn all about the 4c’s and you can shop all over to save a few bucks.  You can even get real clever negotiating a “deal” but nothing is more important than knowing what this ring will mean to her not just when you present it but all throughout her life, again and again, compounding with each new experience.  Her knowing that you struggled to get her the perfect ring and the idea that you picked it out for her all by yourself, will pay you dividends for years to come.

As guys we just don’t think that much about it.  Thinking she probably feels the same way, even when she says it’s no big deal, could very well be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.

Seeing how much that little ring was worth to this lady gave me a new mission; to “help a brother out” and let guys know what this ring really means and not let you miss an opportunity to score points for the rest of your life.

Trust me on this one, having been married for over 38 years; we are guys, we are going to do one or more bonehead things and we will need these bonus points.

Don’t get too tied up with the 4c’s and the perfect size and color, etc…etc.

Do work your butt off to make your gift the first of many memorable moments of your lives.  Make it mean something.

Find a jeweler you feel good about, one you feel you can trust.  If you get that “warm and fuzzy” feeling from who you meet with you will probably be right and they will help you make this moment special.

Should you pick out her ring without her?  You make the call, but do the work to make it special.

What made this guy stand out was the fact that he was holding a picture of his GIRL FRIEND.  (No…she wasn’t naked.)

He had all the other product stuff in tow:  the kind of ring styles she liked…a bit of info on the 4 C’s…a budget…your standard “I’m going to look for an engagement ring,” arsenal.  That’s how we approach things as guys, isn’t it?  We start thinking of the “who” (our love)…then stampede to the “what” (the ring) and end up getting lost there.  This guy had a reminder of  his “who” in his back pocket and everything was easier because of it.

Why would a picture make it easier?

First off, when my sales associate saw the picture of his girlfriend she melted and couldn’t have wanted to help him more.  This young man did something instrumental in getting the kind of help we all crave:  he made it personal.  The entire process was personalized for him, his intended, AND the sales associate because he had that picture.  Seriously, how cool is that?

Tip: Bring along a picture of the person you are buying the ring for. It will remind you why you’re doing it…and will help keep you and the sales person from getting too wrapped in the nuts and bolts of the purchase.

I’m not suggesting a picture will take the place of product knowledge, but it will definitely add a romantic element to something that can quickly turn into a monotonous endeavor.  I think you need to consider the nuts and bolts of the physical ring but temper it with a romantic backdrop to make the “right” engagement ring choice.  A simple picture can help you do that.

Buying an engagement ring is easy, and getting easier by the minute thanks to thoughtful guys like this one.  If you’ve stumbled on a simple way to make things easier on you at the diamond counter please share them with us.  When it comes to buying the right stuff we need all the help we can get.

[As posted on Where To Get Engaged.  A very cool site for anyone and everyone in the market for an engagement ring.]

Stop buying diamonds based on  carat weight alone.  I know…you take all the 4 C’s into account when you are making your decision but all too often the process starts and ends with the size of the diamond.  But here’s the rub:  when you talk about the size of the diamond more than likely you are referring to it’s weight…not how big it is.

We all tend to equate a 1 carat diamond with “big” so I’ll be using that as a way to illustrate what I’m talking about. I did a quick online search of 1 carat diamonds, ignoring things like color and clarity and of course the price because I’m only talking about the weight/size thing here.

I picked 5 out of the hundreds of 1 carat diamonds that popped up to show you how dramatic the size ranges can be.  Bear in mind…every one of these diamonds weighs 1 carat but they are visually different in terms of their bigness.  Check it out:

• Diamond 1: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.17 mm across the top
• Diamond 2: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.21 mm across the top
• Diamond 3: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.32 mm across the top
• Diamond 4: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.43 mm across the top
• Diamond 5: Weight=1 carat.  Measures 6.52 mm across the top

Visually it looks something like this:

All 1 carat diamonds are not the same size

(Definitely NOT actual size)

IF DIAMONDS WERE FEMALE FIGHTERS…

If diamonds were female fighters and I was a betting man I would surely want to know more than the athletes weight when it comes time to put money on the big fight.

(Same weight…different sizes)

I’m not into women’s professional fighting (I think it’s called Mixed Martial Arts) but it’s a good way to illustrate my point.  Both of the women in the picture above weigh 145 pounds but they are clearly not the same size.  (I could have used male fighters but this is a column for guys so let’s stay real.)

“Big” is a relative term anyway you look at it.  It’s a safe bet that all the women in the 145 pound weight class are not all the same height, muscle density, quickness, etc.  And what about the little spitfires that have a big presence in the ring?  They can kick a “bigger” opponents butt all day long even though the tale of the tape says they are smaller.

The bottom line is that when you are on the diamond hunt and you ask about a 1 carat diamond (or a 1/2, or 3/4, etc.) you are referring to a weight…not a size.  There will be size variations within these weight categories and it is completely a function of how well the diamond is cut.  (More on that in future posts.  It’s a “big” subject.)

SO WHAT?

So stop shopping for diamonds with the idea that a heavier diamond is a bigger diamond.  It weighs more…and that’s it.  That weight may or may not enhance the notability of the diamond.  i.e. How many people stop her and say, “OMG let me see your ring!”

Any way you slice it most women like it when their engagement ring is noticed and I’m here to tell you that bigger isn’t always better.

~Andy Koehn

As far as I know this guy was not in the jewelry business.  I’m not related to him…never met him…don’t owe him any money and he has no compromising pictures of me from Vegas.  I mention this only because what I am about to post is the philosophy that underlies our pricing approach…even though I couldn’t say it near as well:

Prices

It is unwise to pay too much.  But it is worse to pay too little.

When you pay too much, you lose a little money; that is all.  When you pay too little, you sometimes lose everything, because the product you bought is incapable of doing what it was bought to do.

The common law of business prohibits paying a little and getting a lot.  It can’t be done.

If you deal with the lowest bidder, it is well to add something for the risk you run.  And if you do that, you would have enough to pay for something better.

There is hardly anything in this world that someone can’t make a little worse and sell a little cheaper~and people who consider price alone are this man’s lawful prey.

~John Ruskin 1819-1900

Consider price in your buying decision?  Of course.  Think you ever get “more for less”?  Not on your life.

That’s really cool because the people behind the counter(the good ones) can and do help give you something that you can’t buy online in most cases: peace of mind.  They are your Hired Guns and when a true professional is there to help it speeds up the process and takes some of the pressure off.  So…kudos to the guys in the vid and thanks again!

Under Pressure…Not!

Which brings me to the topic at hand: A lot of men feel pressure when it comes to buying the “right” ring and really not as bad as all that.  I know how it goes…I’ve seen it a million times and it goes something like this:

• You are in love and spent some time talking to her and looking at ring styles she says she likes.
• You’ve found a beautiful ring that fits her style and the price is something you can live with.
• You’re standing in a store that speaks your language and you like the salesperson.
• All you need to do now is pull the trigger and buy the ring.  Instead you say something like:”I think I’m going to bring her in to make sure she likes it.”

No…no…no…no and NO.  You can and should buy the ring because bringing her in to look at yet another ring is unromantic, unmanly and completely unnecessary.  How do I know?  I asked women who are/were in the market for an engagement ring and asked them.

The Survey…

I wrote a very casual survey and submitted it to women with the help of several jewelry store buddies and Facebook fans.  This is the question I asked:

How would you like the ring purchase to go down?

• I want to pick out the ring and that’s the ring I expect to see when I open the box. (10.1%)
• I want to show him the general style I like and as long as it’s in the ballpark I’m good. (61.6%)
• I’ll provide a laundry list and expect him to fill it. (Not in a mean way.  I have to wear this ring the rest of my life!)(6.9%)
• I want it to be a complete surprise.  I’ll take anything.(21.4%)

Nearly 62% of respondents said as long as you buy a ring that is similar to the style she picked out, you’re good.  If you add the other 21.4% who want the ring to be a complete surprise then you have an 8 in 10 shot at being the man she expects you to be.  Seriously…you know if she’s one of the other 17% so act accordingly.

But still…what if I pick the wrong ring?

There you go again…making it harder than it needs to be.  That’s OK because I have this to share with you as well.  The follow up question to the above was:

If he came home with something different than what I told him to get or hinted at I would:

• Be disappointed but OK. (54%)
• Be disappointed and mad. (4%)
• Love it just the same. (42%)

Only 4% of women will be “mad” if you propose with something she’s not expecting so the risk factor is extremely low.  See?  This is easy.

Go for it!

I grant you this is not the most sophisticated survey on the planet but it is telling.  Feel free to take your own casual surveys as you’re out and about.  Ask women what they think, combine those answers with my results and come to your own conclusion.  Something tells me you won’t feel the need to “bring her in” anymore.

Personally I’d take this info and run with it.  There are so many more important things to do than push off buying a ring with manufactured excuses.  (For example…you can start planning your proposal.)

Let me know how it goes!

Manly men make decisions.  A real man seeks out the people and resources who can give him the information he needs to make an informed decision…and then he pulls the trigger.

He also takes full responsibility for his decisions…and either basks in the glory of a victory or learns from his mistakes.  Either way…he’s not afraid to make a move…because life’s to short to spend it regretting outcomes that might not happen.

What does this have to do with buying diamonds?

This has everything to do with buying diamonds.  You’ll hear me say it time and time again: “It’s not that hard.”  The diamond is not a BIG decision…it’s part of a bigger decision which is whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with the person who holds your heart.  The diamond is an outward expression to the world…that YES…you are a one woman man…and you like it that way.

The decision on what to buy is ultimately yours.  The friends and family you bring along on your diamond buying tours can (and do…they definitely do) give you their input…but don’t for a minute think that their opinion as to what is “good” or what is “bad” is gospel.

The same goes for the sales people you deal with.  Unlike your personal posse’ (your friends and family)…professional sales people definitely know more than you do about diamonds and the wonderful world of engagement rings and proposals.  But our role is limited…because the best we can do is assess your situation as we talk with you…and then make recommendations…some more urgent than others.  We really can’t make you do anything…because it comes down to your willingness to exchange your hard-earned money for the diamonds we sell.

You’re in Charge, Dude.

The best advice I can give you is to find a place that speaks your language…and then plot with the salespeople to get a ring that says what’s in your heart but has trouble making it to your mouth.  (See my post titled Guns for Hire for more on this. The “ease factor” is directly related to your professional posse.  Find THEM…and let them stress over the small stuff.  It’s their job.)