[A guest post from Gary Hill of Passion Fine Jewelry.]

I have been in the jewelry business for the last 18 years and I have to admit, I never really got it until the other day.
A couple in their 70’s-80’s who mentioned this year would be their 56th wedding anniversary came in for a repair.  They sat right next to each other on a couch built for 5…inseparable…cute…and still every bit the couple they “became” decades ago.

They were seated in front of the larger Hearts On Fire engagement rings which caused her to scoot to the edge of her seat to take them all in.  After I finished explaining what her repair would entail she asked without looking up, “Do men still come in and pick out the ring by themselves or do the women come in with them?”

We looked at each other not having thought much about it and agreed that about 70% of engagement customers come in together.  In our estimation about 20%  of guys come in by themselves, which leaves 10% to solo women.

“Ahh, that’s sad,” she said as she stretched out her left hand and rested it on her knee…looking at her wedding ring.   I’ve seen women of all ages do this a million times.  They gaze at their ring…turn it this way and that…to make the diamonds sparkle and give life to their ring.

She had a generic department store ring typical of the 30’s and 40’s.  A single band with a single small diamond; unremarkable except for a leaf on either side of the diamond.  A brassy-like patina gave evidence to the fact that her ring almost never left her finger.

I watched her intense interest locked onto this ring and was trying to figure out what about this simple ring deserved this much admiration?  What was she seeing that I wasn’t?

And then I saw it.  She was running a mental slide show of her life with him as she absently gazed at her ring.  She hit rewind to a time when her husband couldn’t afford to buy her this ring…but did it anyway.  She saw him standing on her front porch…nervously asking her to marry him…as she shouted, “YES! YES!” before he could finish his question.    Though I sat there mostly stunned at what I was seeing I was sure I was seeing it, not just imagining.  It was real, right there, in front of my eyes.

At this point I was overcome with emotions and literally had to fight back the tears that started to well up.  (Yes…it happens.  Geez I sometimes get a little teary at old “Leave It to Beaver” episodes or a sappy commercial.)

I took a quick mental break as her slide show kept playing.  Their wedding…first house…their first child and the others that followed…happiness…sadness…all of it with him…the man that was sitting too close by some definitions.  (Clearly not hers.)  Remember the gate keeper in the Wizard of Oz and how he was crying a waterfall of tears as Dorothy and her crew realized they couldn’t get into the Emerald City?  I didn’t want to make a spectacle of myself so I turned my attention to her husband.
He sat looking forward with a smug sort of smile that said, “I know, I’ve seen it many times before and all you can do is just sit back and enjoy it.”  I needed to get my composure back so I excused myself as I wiped away a few tears.  And that’s when I “got it.”  After all these years in the business I fully understand why engagement/wedding rings mean so much to women.  They are not just a symbol of the guys love; they are a symbol for all that a loving life has to offer and a promise to provide that.

Still in a bit of a shock at what I had just witnessed, perhaps one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, albeit, really weird,  I managed to snap myself out of it long enough to take a breath.

Whether I was viewing her memories or the diamond had magically stored them and was reflecting back those memories, I saw those moments of her past with my own eyes.  They were as real as they were happening right there; so real to her that I could even see them.  And that little ring, that cost him maybe $100 dollars considering the quality and the era it was purchased; that little ring in her eyes… was priceless!  It was and is the symbol for all the love and all the good in her life and no amount of money could buy it from her today.  And this has been going on for at least 56 years.  Even from a guy’s point of view this has got to be the best investment her husband could ever have made.

You can learn all about the 4c’s and you can shop all over to save a few bucks.  You can even get real clever negotiating a “deal” but nothing is more important than knowing what this ring will mean to her not just when you present it but all throughout her life, again and again, compounding with each new experience.  Her knowing that you struggled to get her the perfect ring and the idea that you picked it out for her all by yourself, will pay you dividends for years to come.

As guys we just don’t think that much about it.  Thinking she probably feels the same way, even when she says it’s no big deal, could very well be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make.

Seeing how much that little ring was worth to this lady gave me a new mission; to “help a brother out” and let guys know what this ring really means and not let you miss an opportunity to score points for the rest of your life.

Trust me on this one, having been married for over 38 years; we are guys, we are going to do one or more bonehead things and we will need these bonus points.

Don’t get too tied up with the 4c’s and the perfect size and color, etc…etc.

Do work your butt off to make your gift the first of many memorable moments of your lives.  Make it mean something.

Find a jeweler you feel good about, one you feel you can trust.  If you get that “warm and fuzzy” feeling from who you meet with you will probably be right and they will help you make this moment special.

Should you pick out her ring without her?  You make the call, but do the work to make it special.

That’s really cool because the people behind the counter(the good ones) can and do help give you something that you can’t buy online in most cases: peace of mind.  They are your Hired Guns and when a true professional is there to help it speeds up the process and takes some of the pressure off.  So…kudos to the guys in the vid and thanks again!

Under Pressure…Not!

Which brings me to the topic at hand: A lot of men feel pressure when it comes to buying the “right” ring and really not as bad as all that.  I know how it goes…I’ve seen it a million times and it goes something like this:

• You are in love and spent some time talking to her and looking at ring styles she says she likes.
• You’ve found a beautiful ring that fits her style and the price is something you can live with.
• You’re standing in a store that speaks your language and you like the salesperson.
• All you need to do now is pull the trigger and buy the ring.  Instead you say something like:”I think I’m going to bring her in to make sure she likes it.”

No…no…no…no and NO.  You can and should buy the ring because bringing her in to look at yet another ring is unromantic, unmanly and completely unnecessary.  How do I know?  I asked women who are/were in the market for an engagement ring and asked them.

The Survey…

I wrote a very casual survey and submitted it to women with the help of several jewelry store buddies and Facebook fans.  This is the question I asked:

How would you like the ring purchase to go down?

• I want to pick out the ring and that’s the ring I expect to see when I open the box. (10.1%)
• I want to show him the general style I like and as long as it’s in the ballpark I’m good. (61.6%)
• I’ll provide a laundry list and expect him to fill it. (Not in a mean way.  I have to wear this ring the rest of my life!)(6.9%)
• I want it to be a complete surprise.  I’ll take anything.(21.4%)

Nearly 62% of respondents said as long as you buy a ring that is similar to the style she picked out, you’re good.  If you add the other 21.4% who want the ring to be a complete surprise then you have an 8 in 10 shot at being the man she expects you to be.  Seriously…you know if she’s one of the other 17% so act accordingly.

But still…what if I pick the wrong ring?

There you go again…making it harder than it needs to be.  That’s OK because I have this to share with you as well.  The follow up question to the above was:

If he came home with something different than what I told him to get or hinted at I would:

• Be disappointed but OK. (54%)
• Be disappointed and mad. (4%)
• Love it just the same. (42%)

Only 4% of women will be “mad” if you propose with something she’s not expecting so the risk factor is extremely low.  See?  This is easy.

Go for it!

I grant you this is not the most sophisticated survey on the planet but it is telling.  Feel free to take your own casual surveys as you’re out and about.  Ask women what they think, combine those answers with my results and come to your own conclusion.  Something tells me you won’t feel the need to “bring her in” anymore.

Personally I’d take this info and run with it.  There are so many more important things to do than push off buying a ring with manufactured excuses.  (For example…you can start planning your proposal.)

Let me know how it goes!

Just say it…

When you go into a recommended jewelry store knowing exactly what you want…just say it already.  Too many men cloak themselves in a shroud of machismo and actually prolong the buying process.  Good business…great relationships…and authentic living are the result of effective communication. Be an effective communicator with your hired guns and they’ll treat you like the god that you are.

Footnote: Don’t be a hard-ass know-it-all when you present your case.  While you may be well-versed as a result of your Internet travels, you will never know what a diamond professional knows.  (Why would you want to exactly?  Oh that’s right…you don’t want to get “ripped off.”*)

I was a member of an industry think-tank once upon a time…and our leader…a giant in the jewelry biz said, “I make it my business to know my business.  Outside of that…I hire people to do what I am not an expert in.”  That’s not only true…it’s bad-ass.

Tip:

Find someone to be your hired gun when you’re in the diamond market.  Treat them as an employee of yours…because that’s really what they are. They work for YOU…and get paid to “do what you are not an expert in.”  (Be a good boss though. No one likes to work for a jerk.)

What if you’re not the guy I just talked about?

Maybe you’re a little less sure of yourself.  You think you know what you want…but you have some doubts and need a little more hand-holding. There is nothing wrong with that.  Actually you are in for a much smoother ride in my opinion because you don’t need to spend a lot of time defending your position.

The beauty is you have hired guns as well…and they want to make sure you walk away feeling every bit the man you know you are.  Why?  Because they want to be your go-too diamond and jewelry expert for the rest of your life.  The good ones live for it actually…it’s what they do.

Water the Horses.  Feed the Men.  Tonight we ride!

Quit looking at jewelry salespeople as your adversaries and make them part of your posse.  How will you know if they are worthy of your requirements?  I’ll spend more time on this subject in a future post…but off the top of my head I would do the following:

• Ask your buddies where they buy their jewelry.  They’ll tell you far more than any company brochure or flash intro.
• Trust your gut.  It is always your best guide.  (In life and at the diamond counter.)
• Use local Google, Yahoo, and Bing searches.  Many of them will have ratings on jewelers along with customer comments.  Click here to see what this looks like. (It’s for my store.)
• Tell your potential employees that you want to make sure they’re the right fit for you…and then ask what you want to know in a matter-of-fact way.  If they’re offended or put out by this…well…there’s your answer.

Having a hired gun in the diamond business will pay off in ways you can’t imagine.  It will save you time (which = money) and energy…and it’s pretty cool to have a diamond guy/girl in your back pocket.  That way you can focus on more important things like getting rock hard abs and training for the Backwoods Barbecue and Beer Chugoff.

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REAL QUESTION POSED TO ME:

Why do I even have to give her an engagement ring? (I’m not kidding…)

MY ANSWER: You’ve just finished a great steak, your 3rd pint of Guinness, and an obligatory round of high fives because the good guys won the game. You’re in a crowded sports bar which is clearly one of the best places to indulge in the age-old sport of people watching.